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Previously
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Two Champions
One Week's Journey
Our first scene today opens on the set of a talk show. But this is not a television talk show, it is the set of The Pain Clinic which airs in Rochester. This show, as many know of, is the number one talk show for professional wrestling. Every Saturday morning, the show airs on 1280, I-tunes, and the web. Today, even though it is not a Saturday, The Cashman and his crew are getting ready to host a major interview with one of Action Pro Wrestling’s top wrestlers. It’s a special show today. As the crew are getting settled in, three men are sitting on one side of the table, Cashman, JZ and Arti$te. No one has entered from the other side of the room. But as they are getting ready, no visual description is needed of what is happening, because well this is radio, all that really matters is what you hear, because hell, they tell you what they see. The show begins as the camera cuts to a computer screen where someone hit’s the “play” button.
Cashman: Hey this is The Pain Clinic with “The Cashman Richie Rich,” I am here with my boys JZ and Arti$te as we get ready to interview A.P.W’s Overdrive Champion, Shadow.
Arti$te: Sure we are, if he would show up.
Cashman: Well you know baby faces, all they do is do things for themselves. ‘Oh I’m so special, I’m so important, everyone cheer for me.’ It makes me sick.
JZ: Well this guy Shadow like the rest of the faction he is in, the Ass Kickers Anonymous are border liners. The people cheer for them yeah, but they lie, cheat and jump others when it benefits them.
Cashman: Hey, just because they are Texans doesn’t mean a damn thing.
Arti$te: Whoa what the hell is this crap?
Cashman: Well before we turn on your microphone Shadow, we are going to publicly embarrass you. You walk in here late for the start of the show wearing this crap. Oh and hell now you’re sitting like that, folding your legs over each other like some pompous American Idol Simon want to be. Its like you want us to make fun of you.
Arti$te: Well for those of you playing the home game, Shadow has arrived and he is sitting here in what looks to be a Euro-trash black shirt, his hair pulled back into a ponytail and is now lighting a cigarette, he is lighting a cigarette in the building.
JZ: And you are holding it like it’s the most delicious thing in the world. I mean look at that pose.
Cashman: You look like an absolute jackass.
Shadow’s microphone has apparently been turned on as he starts to speak, but its not his normal voices it’s a very White Anglo Saxon Protestant voice yet slightly effeminate
Shadow: If you don’t mind, I would like to conduct this interview quickly because I have another orphanage to christen.
Cashman: You cannot be serious.
Shadow: You know I said this before and I’ll say it again, people always lash out at things they don’t understand.
Arti$te: Haha! I get it!
JZ: What?
Shadow: Oh come on what is there to get, I am a Champion in A.P.W. and I really was not hoping to be thrust into the spotlight so quickly I mean after being there a short while and I already won a title? I really didn’t expect it. It was just so astounding that I had to give something back, something to the fans. I mean they are the whole reason I am here. Because I am such a modest person, I really don’t need everyone clamoring over me. Oh my god I’m such a great person…
Arti$te: He’s Pence!
Cashman: What? You’re a face?
Shadow begins to speak in his regular voice again.
Shadow: So? Face doesn’t mean you cannot insult another. It doesn’t mean you can’t dress up like some kind of eyesore from the South Hampton’s house of crap and come onto a show, and let everyone know exactly what you think of someone.
JZ: So you think very little of Pence?
Shadow: It’s not like that. Just that I think he is over-hyped and over-the-top. Like I just said it doesn’t matter if both of us are faces in this match what matters is the clash of the views. Pence is this whole goodie two shoes kind of guy, this like monk of professional wrestling with the voice of Brandon St. Randy.
He cuts back to the voice.
Shadow: I mean Shadow is too kind for gracing us with his opinions but if its any consolation, everyone is entitled to their own view and I do not hate him for it.
Back to the Shadow we all know and love
Shadow: And then you have me, a man who people consider egotistical and overrated, but to say that would honestly be an understatement. Being in the Ass Kickers Anonymous means you have to sell yourself as something more than you are. You come across as outstanding and unbeatable, because when it comes down to it, the Ass Kickers Anonymous are one of the oldest tag teams still in this profession and we have to live up to our legacy. You have a lot of people who go out there and try to rebuild the organizations of the past, but they are far from the level of the originals. The A.K.A. has always been what it was in the beginning. Moreover we are the same men we were eight years ago. So to assume that I am an overrated, egotistical son of a bitch, is entirely understandable, and I accept that. You know why? Because I am. But we all must accept the truth as well, Pence Weatherlight sucks.
JZ: Damn, that is pretty bold.
Shadow: No, bold is defining and explaining what Pence is. Pence Weatherlight is humble, and that means that he is subservient, meek, shy or even poor, when defined as an adjective. But when it’s a verb it’s a word that means to be humiliated. So to stop stretching this English lesson, a humble man is penitent and that mean’s he is on his knees, a lot.
Cashman: Wow. Nerd alert!
Shadow: Hell I’ll do you one better, I’ll tell you about Pence Weatherlight. The man who defeated Level One, John Green and Jason Royce. The hypocritical, schizophrenic who went from Enlightenment to tirade shortly before his big match at Mayhem. What I find interesting is that he hides behind these so called bits of illumination, and then when someone gets under his skin, he erupts and lets his true personality out. Two words for you Cash, ‘roid rage.’
Cashman: “Roid rage?” You really think that’s caused him to flip out?
Arti$te: That’s bull, wrestling has rules for that kind of thing now. People are tested and so
Shadow: Sure, and Pence Weatherlight is just a Pennsylvanian badass who rode into town on a pale horse and took out one of A.P.W’s top undefeated men.
JZ: That doesn’t seem possible to you?
Shadow: The man dresses like this! How can you believe that someone who is a ‘British Cigarette’ can do something like that to Level One? I don’t like that egotistical son of a bitch either, but yeah, come on, Pence Weatherlight? The man is like Kid Cannabis, an H.C.W. champion. What happened to ole K.C? I took him out, just like every other person Jeff has booked me against. And while that may make me Jeff’s answer to problems. Let me make something crystal clear, I am not in Jeff’s pocket, I am not one of his ‘boyz.’ But I am a man who understands what is going on. Simple Jack pissed someone off, and anyone with half a brain knows Level One and President Jeff are vicious pirates… Wait is that the right word, well they are a kind of pirate right? Well anyway, they are out for revenge, we all know they are. And well I am that weapon they think will solve their problems. Honestly I could not give two shits and a fuck…
The expletives are bleeped on the radio but this is the real, live, raw feed.
Shadow: …about their problems. I am here for the opportunity, two champions going head to head. And as someone who has conquered similar obstacles.
Suddenly Shadow coughs.
Shadow: ***John Green… ***
He coughs a little then speaks again
Shadow: Sorry had some trash that had to be gotten rid of there. No, since Pence and I are very similar in our careers here in A.P.W. I relish this competition, but I do not deny, nor hide the fact I see him being a Nazi with a 45 degree hand angle.
Cashman: Damn Shadow, okay man, I have to say I don’t know what to think of you right now.
Shadow: Good because that’s what the Ass Kickers Anonymous are. We come at you like a hurricane and you never know what to think until its over. Everyone I have ever gone toe to toe with has said the same drabble of pretentious bullshit about how amazing they are and how my time is up. But you know what? I’m still here. Screw Level One’s game on bullshit, Pence took that challenge, its old news. Now the headlines read Shadow versus Pence Weatherlight. That’s something all three of the losers of his match and my number one contender wish they had, a marquee like that. But they won’t.
Cashman: Hold on we need to get onto a more serious note. There are rumors going around the locker room that you and Pence Weatherlight really do not like each other. You know how some people break kayfabe and they are friends with their enemies, but you two really have a hatred for one another is that correct?
Shadow: Where the hell did you hear that crap?
Arti$te: We heard that Pence got wind of your comments about him winning the A.P.W. Championship. That’s what set him off. Here is what he said about you.
A recording of an interview response is heard playing on the radio, Pence Weatherlight is speaking to the world.
“Pence: Well good luck to you man, when Mr. Strange gets in the groove of things your gonna have to watch your back. As for “Slammy” Speeches, I don’t know about that, but I just felt like sharing my complete and utter excitement at the time. So to give thanks to the people who made it possible I just thought it would be worth the effort to give a little speech. Oh and yeah I ‘will’ see you around.”
JZ: What do you have to say about that?
Shadow: Tons, first lets look at his retort to my comment, he seemed angry at something that was light hearted. Something no one seems to understand is that with the A.K.A. you have to take things in stride. If you don’t then what’s the point? You get pissed at what we say or do, we’re going to keep doing it because it amuses us. He seems to forget also that I already beat Mr. Strange, one two three. That’s all it took and like Harv and Chase asked, how did I intend on stopping Mr. Strange if he won, simple do what I did last time, give the boy the “Old Yeller Treatment.” Now I don’t hold anything against Pence for what he said, he has that “Canadian Rage” you know.
There is an eruption of laughter as the three radio hosts cannot contain themselves. It’s not because what he said was funny, it was that Shadow actually said something that horrible.
Cashman: Whoa, whoa Shadow. Did you really just say that?
JZ: Nah man, that isn’t right
Shadow: Hey I respect what he did, and do not judge. And just remember what I said before.
Arti$te: But come on man, there are some lines you don’t cross.
Shadow starts laughing himself now.
Cashman: What?
Shadow: You thought what I said before was horrible.
Cashman: Hell no.
Shadow: Awww, well anyway back to Pence. He’s angry, he is young-ish, he climbed the top rung and won himself the title. That deserves a golf clap, yes. But he didn’t have to take what I said so negatively. He thought I was insulting him though, but to clarify, this would be insulting him.
He breaks back into that deep overacting voice that Justin Long plays in that hilarious movie.
Shadow: Holy shit, holy shit… I must say that *my* match was great and should easily be marked in the history books. I humbly thank my opponents for giving me a challenge. I can’t wait to fight you all again, I thank that jackass President Jeff for the opportunity to show his best man up. I can’t wait to see what happens next.
He cuts back to his normal tone.
Shadow: Now I am not as technologically as you boys but I think that was a damn good impersonation of Piss-ant and his little statement he issued right after he won the A.P.W. Championship.
Cashman: You really don’t like him do you?
Shadow: What you think I should want to award the guy for what he’s done? Damn Dick. You’d think you of all people would understand where I’m coming from when I rag on these over-rated baby faces.
Cashman: Its just so strange to hear you talking about him like this when you two would could be tag partners.
Shadow: No we couldn’t, that’s the problem we have with one another. Open your ears there Dick, and think, he’s “Mr. On His Knees” Humbleness and I’m Shadow, baby. I’m “The One and Only,” He’s “Second and Lonely.” This man has every right to be champion, he won the match, but does he have what it takes to suppress his anger, fight with a clear mind when he takes me on. Head games, guys. That’s how the A.K.A. always wins. We’re smarter. The best fighter is no the strongest it’s the one who is cold, methodical, and calculating. Despite the fact we give the fans something they love to see every night, we are ruthless. The Ass Kickers Anonymous are winners boys, and when it comes down to it that’s what going to happen at Overdrive this week.
JZ: So you don’t think he will do to you what the did to Level One at Mayhem like he claims he might do?
Shadow: He finished that comment with “This Mr. Main Event.” I can’t tell if he was referring to me or to himself. He was missing an adverb there. If you ask me, he’s a little on the slow side. Which works out great, I won’t have to break a sweat. You know I’m remind of a show, where someone, who I wont name names had a huge crowd, and one section was a group of mentally challenged people, whose youngest member was celebrating his birthday and all he wanted was to see a wrestling show. So they brought him out. The promoter told everyone not to mess with the kids, don’t push the line. So they allowed the kid to take pictures with the champions, get autographs and hell he was having a blast. The a particular heel walked out and was trying to get the crowd fired up. He’s clapping and yelling at the crowd. People are booing him and these kids are not doing anything so he walks up and starts clapping a little slower for these kids saying “Hey come on! Yeah, come on put your hands together for me! You came to see me. Come on and clap. God damn it clap you bunch of retards!”
Another round of laughter comes from the hosts who do not know what to say. Its an awful statement that is funny at the same time.
Arti$te: No way! That’s wrong!
Cashman: Was that you?
Shadow: Nah, but it would be funny though. But ole boy finished his match went to the back where the promoter was irate, like flames were shooting out of the side of his face and this guy just walks to his bag, grabs it and says “I got to go guys” and he hauled ass. So no I didn’t do that, but in our situation here and now, I am that person and Pence is the promoter. He wants it to be perfect, but sometimes what the people want to see they don’t want to confess to. People are sick and twisted that’s no lie. The more brutal we are with one another the more they love us. When it comes down to it, they want to see someone destroyed. I’m not saying I am going to end Pence. But come Overdrive I’m going to put that little Piss-Ant in his place.
JZ: Shadow do you care if you piss people off?
Shadow: Didn’t I just answer that?
Arti$te: What he is asking is that Slade likes to push the envelope when it comes to people, and he has come out and said he does not care what people do because he will always outdo them. You are acting very similar.
Shadow: I am not Slade Craven. He is my friend yes, and several of his qualities have rubbed off on me, but that does not make us the same person. I know that to go the distance in this business you have to burn some bridges, if it means Pence and I will never be friends, I can live with that. But as for pissing Pence off? No I don’t care. I’ll get under anyone’s skin, Level One, Pence, Strange it doesn’t matter to me. Because they are all the same person when it comes down to it, just another opponent.
JZ: This brings me to my next point, the message you sent out about Level One. Do you think he’ll factor into this match?
Shadow: First, Slade sent that message and second; of course he will factor into things so will Strange too. They all want to get involved with this. Pence and Shadow, the match that will remake Overdrive, who wouldn’t want to be a part of it. Level One wants revenge and Strange will want to make a point. So while we face each other we’ll be looking over our shoulders. But that’s besides the point, what matters is that both Level One and Strange are watching this match wondering when they will get their shot. Not for the titles but for retribution, and I guarantee this, it is not going to happen. Well, let me clarify that, they may get their shot, but they will blow it, just like they did before. There is no room in this industry for reruns, catch my drift?
Cashman: Well last question Shadow, before we go. Do you want to be A.P.W. heavyweight champion?
There is a deep breath heard over the radio as Shadow thinks long and hard about how to answer this.
Shadow: I am a champion, that’s what I have to say about that. I am working on taking over Michael Lively’s record of being the longest reigning Overdrive Champion, I am over half way there. That is my goal. Facing Pence Weatherlight means I am facing A.P.W.’s top man, and while some may see that as a chance to thrust themselves into the Heavyweight title mix, I indifferent. It’s about the match to me Dick, I am facing the top man, that is all I need. I plan on beating the best. That title in his hand, its dead weight, his pride that is all I need to lay claim to.
Cashman: We;; I guess that settles it. I do want to thank Shadow for coming in and being a purebred ass nozzle.
Shadow: Anytime.
He laughs as he says this.
Cashman: Until next time, this is “The Pain Clinic” and we’ll see you next week for your appointment.
The show goes off the air as someone moves a mouse across the screen and closes the window. The camera pulls back to show Slade Craven, still in bandages sitting back in his chair with a smile.
Slade- Damn, boy did good.
The camera fades away as he continues to grin, proud of what his partner has said.
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Our next scene takes us back to Texas. Shadow was in New York, and now he is home, but only briefly. He is on his way to Mexico. There is a song playing in the background.
“It happened in Monterrey. A long time ago, in old Mexico!”
Shadow is seen slowly dancing across the floor. He is packing his bags for Mexico. But the song is not coming from a CD or computer, instead it emanates from the television. The voice is “Old Blue Eyes,” but the song was changed. A little bit has been left out. The music plays as another bit of commotion is heard. A man and woman kissing. Shadow turns as the camera moves to face him we see “The Devil’s Advocate” playing on Shadow’s television in his bedroom. He tosses a bag towards the door, its his ‘Eagle’ bag that he uses to carry all his wrestling gear in. Shadow is getting ready to leave, he needs to be leaving soon. Shadow’s flight leaves in a little over three hours and it is an hour drive to D.F.W. Airport and then he gets to fly for three and a half hours to Mexico. On his bed is his passport. There is something obscuring his real name, a shirt Shadow changed out of earlier. The picture is a younger version of him when he had a goatee. Shadow is whistling the tune to “It happened in Monterrey” even though Keanu Reeves just shot himself on television. Shadow runs his hands through his hair and then grabs his passport, he pushes it into his pants pocket. He stops whistling and hums the tune once more before he gets his last bag and puts it near the door as well. Grabbing the remote, Shadow shuts off the television and starts towards the exit. Then someone steps into his path, arms folded across their chest and shades over his eyes.
Slade- The Devil’s Advocate. Wow that was a fitting movie to watch, especially after your last interview.
Shadow: Hey Slade.
The two shake hands as we can see that Slade is holding his ribs with one arm. He never moves his left arm from across his chest. The cuts and bruises from the Anarchy Cell mar his flesh. He leans against the wall so he doesn’t put so much weight on his feet.
Slade- I heard your little spiel on “The Pain Clinic.”
Shadow: And?
Slade- It made you come across as an out and out asshole, nice.
Craven gives a thumbs up and a ridiculous smile.
Slade- I’m proud of you man. You went out there and set the pace for what’s going to happen tomorrow in Mexico.
Shadow: Speaking of Overdrive, are you going?
Slade- Why need a cripple to watch your back at Overdrive this week? Come on man, what can I do? Gimp them to death?
Shadow: No, not exactly, just keep an eye on things. Strange is going to be there as will Level One. I’m not on either of their friend’s list and now that I’ve said some wonderful things about Pence, I doubt he will add me to his ‘Top 8’ anytime soon.
Slade- True, but Pence isn’t a ‘pal’ of them either.
Shadow: You know, we’re not friends with anyone backstage aside from Assassin?
Craven walks over and sits down on the bed then lays back.
Slade- Yeah we’re not the most popular people in the place, but you know why they don’t fire us?
Shadow: Well firing me results in there being a vacancy for the Overdrive title. No one wants that.
Slade- That… is also true. But why don’t they fire Assassin and I?
His friend shrugs his shoulders as Craven pops his neck.
Slade- Because we are that damn good.
He sits up and looks at Shadow.
Slade- You and I, we have a history, just like Assassin and I. Our history is rife with carnage, broken people and victory streaks. There is no one stupid enough to throw us out on our asses just because most people wish they could be us, and everyone else want to beat us. So Level One and Strange are mad cause they lost matches. Strange is mad he lost to you and Onezy is pissed cause he lost ‘his precious.’ Now you don’t need to worry about them. You keep your head on Pence, and it seems that you have been.
Shadow: I am not afraid of them, I would just like to finish this match uninterrupted. I want to beat Pence. I don’t want Level One to interfere and help, or even be cost the match by Strange. Hell he does that he better make his peace with his good and great.
Slade- You know, I was just thinking,
Shadow: There’s a first.
Slade- Shut up, no the three guys we’ve been talking about have all shown symptoms of insanity. Level One’s ego and violence, Strange’s schizophrenia and Pence’s rage. Man Jeff must be getting a discount on idiots from the wacko basket.
His friend just shakes his head and motions to the door.
Shadow: Come on man, we have to get going. There is too much to worry about and I have a flight to catch.
Slade- Oh? And I don’t?
Shadow: You’re going?
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